Mom's (Shirley's) Favorite Gestures

As Parkinson's advanced, Mom couldn't talk very well. She used two gestures as a shorthand for phrases she had often used before.

One gesture was to make a fist and punch it into her other open hand. That meant something like "You better watch out. If I could get up from here, I'd give you what for."

The other used on her two sons, Mike and Cliff, and occasionally her husband Bill, but never on their spouses or the grandchildren (8) or the great-grandchildren (13). It was a raised fist that was shaken. When used on her sons, it meant "You're a good for nothing, rotten bum and don't think you can get away with anything. I'm going to straighten you out so toe the line and do the right thing."

Mom used to threaten her sons for as long as they can remember. But they were always empty threats because the boys knew they could always call her bluff. She loved them far too much to ever do anything to them and once they were older than four, there was nothing physical she could do that would make an impression on two boys anyway.

When they were young (actually for all the rest of their lives) being a good Yiddish mom, she used guilt instead: "It's ok. Go ahead and do anything you like. Don't worry about what it will do to your mother. Don't worry that it may kill her."

But that backfired. By the time you were 8 or 9 and had been responsible for almost killing your mother multiple times, you became inoculated against guilt. After that, you couldn't feel guilty about anything. After all, what could be worse than killing your mother?